Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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