She told me I should be a condom model.
i drank out of a bidet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
