The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
