When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
