my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
