Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
