all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
