Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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