I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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