I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
