I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
