when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
