respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think i have herpe
just one?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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