Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
