do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
