I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We left the knife in your bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
