Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am mentally ready for anal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
