Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
