i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
