so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
