But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
