i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
