evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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