Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
