watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
