i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
