i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
