next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
