Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
should my penis look like a turkey
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
