No stitches, just platelets and will power
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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