Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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