We are two peas in an std pod
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
