So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
