And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
