i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
