I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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