Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
