found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
