Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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