So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
