People in love make me want to vomit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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