I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
