Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
