i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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