1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
tell me about the eggs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
