You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
