Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
