you will always have a special place in my vag
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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