so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
