WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
