I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
