apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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