I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
